of a poet and her paladin...

Someone close to me once asked me what if we had chosen a different path in life, perhaps we would have met different people, better people? And ever since that question was asked until today, my answer remains the same. No. I thank God for the path I choose, although I do wish I could go back and undo some of the mistakes I did that ended up hurting those I love. But if we're talking choices and paths, I'm glad and I'm eternally grateful to Allah SWT for the paths I've chosen. My journey is filled with great friends. I don't have that many friends actually, but those I have met, I cherish with all my heart. And I would not have wanted it any other way. Sharina, my kindergarten buddy, Angeline and Tang, Za and Mila - my best buds from primary school, Adnin, Anand - my friends from high school, and these people I met in college who have been there for me, shared so many adventures together, slept in the same bed, my retail therapy partners, my mcdonalds compadre, my friends whom I shall treasure for as long as I live - Zila and Nawar. As for Adnin, she's not just a buddy from high school. She's my soulsister, my voice of reason, my conscience at times, my best friend. And of course, as you journey through life, if you're lucky enough, you will meet the one person who understands you better than you understand yourself, the person who will be there for you no matter what, the one person you can always count on, the person you would trust with your life, the person who would walk you back to your college at night, the person you stayed up the whole night with just talking, the person who knows just how sweet you like your Milo, the person who tells you that you're beautiful and means it, the person who makes all the pain and heartaches go away, the person who dries your tears and comforts you, the person who you listen to, the person who listens to whatever you have to say, the person who feeds you rice and curry - by hand, not spoon!, the person who is God's gift to you, an angel upon the face of the earth, a friend who truly cares, a guardian sent to look after you, a knight sent to rescue you, a savior who was always ready to catch you when you fall, a lover sent to love you, a man sent to complete you.... A person who deserves only the best things in life... Fareez, my best friend, my soulmate. I miss him, I miss my best friend. He's the only person in the entire universe that I feel comfortable talking to about everything. I miss those nights we would spend outside campus, staying up until dawn, just talking. We would talk about so many things. I still remember one night, he told me the story of the Lord of the Rings. It was something that some might regard as insignificant or trivial. But for me, it was sheer excitement. I love listening to him. He got me interested in so many things. So many things that I wasn't aware of before and he opened my eyes to them. It's strange how two people can be so close and suddenly we've become like strangers. But then again, I have no one else but myself to blame. I pray for his happiness everyday. He truly is a great man, destined for great things. A man who taught me how to love, a man who showed me what it's like to be loved, a man who I loved doing things for, a man I admire, a man I look up to, a man I respect, a man I ended up hurting...

My friends are great people. I may not have many, but I have great ones. Which is why I wouldn't trade the choices I have made in my life. I chose the right path and along that journey I have been blessed with these people. I love you mis amigos. Without you I wouldn't be who I am today.

To Fareez: No amount of apologies in the world could ever make up for what I did to you. More than anything in the world, more than my own life, I want you to be happy. And no matter what happens, I will always love you and you will forever be my soulmate.

Ever since last year, I have found it so hard to write my feelings about Fareez down. But I guess sometimes you just have to brave it and do what you feel is right. Life is fragile. I never want to take things for granted anymore.

Good night sayang. Sweet dreams. Sleep well sweetheart.