At one point in my life, I thought happiness was a thing of the past. I laughed, I smiled, I even lived, but everything seemed to be just on the surface. There was nothing beyond that and the word happy was something that I had totally erased from my vocabulary. But then, someone comes along unexpectedly and things have taken quite a drastic turn since then. At first I was afraid to utilize the word happy to describe my state of being, but I realized that that would have simply been denying the truth. I am happy now. I never thought that was possible again, but I am. However this does not in any way mean that I have forgotten. I will never forget. How can you erase and forget a past that was so wonderful and magical? But what I have come to realize is that life is amazing. Just when you thought that you were headed for doomsville, God opens a new path for you and lights the way to an adventure that is rare and indefinable. I have no idea where this adventure will lead to but I know that I am now ready to find out. Whether or not it leads somewhere is besides the point, what is important is that I am living again and I am opening myself up to life. For quite some time I completely shut myself up to the outside world. As I mentioned earlier, living was merely surviving for me. Breathing was what I did because by the grace of God I am still alive. But I wasn't living. Until that fateful day where I walked up the stairs, turned the door knob and set eyes upon this stranger whom at that point in my life I was not expecting to get to know. I was there to see someone else and he was there because due to circumstances I was not able to be seen in public with this other individual without the presence of a third person. But God works in mysterious ways. Somehow on that day, in the grand scheme of things, motions were set into gear and the road was lit with a divine plan that neither of us had a say in. He thought I was interesting enough to get to know further and as the days progressed I found that I was growing closer and closer to this person. From text messages it moved on to dinners and coffee chats. From there, I can safely say that I felt a sense of closeness with this man that I never thought I would feel again. There's something about him that made me want to keep on seeing him.
Am I happy again? At first I was afraid to answer this question. I felt like I was betraying a certain someone, but then I told myself that I need to let myself live again. Here is a great individual who makes me laugh and smile and yes, he makes me happy. So there, I've said it. I am happy.
Whatever the future has in store for the both of us, only God knows. What I can do is allow myself to go with the flow. I have opened up my heart to be happy again because he truly makes me feel happy. For someone I have only known for a mere 2 months, there's a rarity in the way that I have gotten to be so comfortable with him. And he with me.
I thank God that He made our paths cross on that fateful day in the blessed month of Ramadhan. Whatever will be, will be, right sayang?
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